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  “I need to be inside you,” I begged.

  “Then do it!” she told me and tossed the bottle of lube to the side.

  It felt smoother when I thrusted inside her again. She seemed to have relaxed, but I didn’t want this to go too fast. I slowed to a gentle and painstakingly slow pace and kissed her a while. She leaned into the kiss, opening her mouth ever so slightly so I could slip her some tongue. She was gripping my shoulders as I kissed down her neck. She wrapped her legs tight around my waist and moved her hips in sync with mine in a slow, methodic rhythm. My name was a song she kept moaning on her lips, and it encouraged me to go faster. Her hand lingered past my back and she gripped my ass hard, pulling me deeper inside her. I concentrated so I didn’t come before her.

  “Go faster,” she whispered and she pulled me in harder, her nails digging into my ass.

  I ceased my movements, and cradled her face in my hands. “You sure?”

  She visibly rolled her eyes at me. “Noah, it’s just been a while, I’m all right. Go faster, please.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” I explained.

  She smiled. “Oh my god! You are such a gentle lover, and I am totally into you letting me call the shots, but please hit me with the good stuff. You can go hard and fast with me, okay?”

  “Yes, Ma’am!” I said with a cheeky grin and quickened my pace.

  She laughed. “Is it bad that I like the sound of that?”

  I grinned again. “Nope! You’re the boss lady. I like it when you tell me what to do.”

  “Fuck yeah I am,” she growled. “Now get back to work.”

  I knew how to take direction, very well.

  7

  DINAH

  I didn’t think that was how my night was going to go when I asked Noah to come over. I laid back on my bed with a sigh of contentment. He pulled me to him and laid my head on his bare chest. I cuddled into him, feeling at peace hearing his heart beat racing. He gently stroked my hair in silence.

  “I need a beer, do you want a beer?” I asked him and untangled myself from his arms.

  “I think you left mine on the counter,” he said with a smirk and he watched my naked form get up from the bed.

  I threw on a clean shirt before walking out of my bedroom and back into the kitchen. The now warm beer was on the kitchen island, but I didn’t pay attention to it, rather just stood there thinking about what the fuck had just happened.

  I had fucked Noah Kennedy.

  My hot hockey player neighbor who was twenty-two! When Noah said he wanted to talk, I thought he was going to talk about how we couldn’t do this thing. Then he had kissed me and it was like my brain turned off and my hormones were all like, “Get out of here brain, we need to get that dick inside of us right now!” I couldn’t say I was mad about it though, and Noah was so sweet about how he kept asking me if everything he did was okay. I always knew that Noah was the epitome of niceness, so I wasn’t surprised by how gentle he was with me in bed. It was sweet. Getting tangled up in the sheets with him was better than I thought it would be, but I didn’t know where it left us.

  I must have been gone for too long, because warm hands wrapped around my waist and I felt him kiss me on my neck just below my ear. I sighed into him. “Hey,” he whispered into my ear, his deep voice all thick and growly.

  “Hey,” I whispered back and strained my neck to give him more access. He peppered me with more soft gentle kisses that I felt all the way down to my core. I knew Noah was kind of a soft boy, but good god, he was such a gentle lover, and I loved it.

  “It was okay, right?” he asked into my ear.

  I turned around to face him. Noah was standing in my kitchen, his whole six-foot-two frame was clad only in his boxers. His hair was all mussed up and his pale face was red with a blush. I got the sense that he didn’t expect this was how the night was going to go either. I guess we both just let our hormones control us tonight. I put my hands on his face, where the beginning of a beard was starting. It had felt scratchy on my thighs earlier, but that kind of always made it better for me. Beards were hot.

  “Yes. You think I would have moaned like that if it hadn’t been okay?” I asked him.

  The corners of his mouth lifted up in a smile. “Maybe you were faking it.”

  “Oh, honey, no!”

  He smiled and he kissed me again with all the passion that he must have had pent up for the last two years. My knees buckled, but he grabbed my waist and steadied me in his big arms. I knew he was a big man, but I kind of forgot how muscular his arms and chest were or how he could pick me up like it was nothing. My hand trailed down the planes of his chest, marveling at the rippling muscles. I shouldn’t have been surprised at how ridiculous his body was. I knew he played hockey and worked out obsessively, but seeing him now here in my kitchen, kissing me in just his boxers was a different story.

  I was eight years older than him, so this had to be weird. I mean, what would a hot twenty-two year old who just so happened to be a professional athlete want with a woman like me? I wasn’t old by any means, but being a widow at thirty wasn’t something I bragged about. It came with a lot of baggage, baggage that a kid his age didn’t need to deal with. Although, Noah had been with me through it all. He was there comforting me in the wake of Jason’s death. Then he was there for me when the worst thing I could ever imagine happened to me. That’s what friends were for though –- it wasn’t as if Noah was trying to have a relationship with me. How could he?

  I pulled away from the kiss suddenly, because you shouldn’t be thinking about your dead husband when you were kissing someone else. My throat tightened at the guilt that I had betrayed Jason by sleeping with Noah.

  Noah looked at me shyly, like he didn’t know how to approach the situation either. “Listen, Dinah...”

  I didn’t let him finish that thought. “I need to get a shower. I have work tomorrow.”

  I didn’t even wait for an answer, I just sprinted out of my kitchen and back into the master bedroom to the en suite bathroom. I shed my minimal clothes onto the tiled floor and cranked the water to hot before stepping inside the stall. I let the water cascade down my back while my thoughts turned to Jason. I didn’t think my late husband would have wanted me to not have a life now that he was gone. I would like to think he would have wanted me to be happy, but I don’t think he would have appreciated me finding love in the arms of our young neighbor. It made me feel so guilty, even though deep down inside I was thrilled at the fact that Noah and I finally took the plunge. It was nice to be with a man who was kind and gentle and asked if things were okay for me. God, a man who asked for consent was sexy as hell.

  I stood in the shower for a minute longer than I would have normally, before I turned off the faucet and stepped out of the stall. The steam had fogged up the mirror, but I wiped it away with my hand and looked at my face through it. My pale skin was red and splotchy from the shower, but a part of me was wondering if it was also from what I had done with Noah earlier. My lips were swollen from his kisses, and I touched them thoughtfully thinking about what we had just done. To be honest, as much as I felt guilty, I kind of really wanted to sleep with Noah again. I think that scared me more than it should.

  I wrapped a towel around my body and one around my long dark hair and stepped out into my bedroom. I froze in my steps when I saw that Noah was lying in my bed, in all his long-limbed muscular glory. He was looking at something on his phone and he hadn’t heard me come out of the bathroom.

  “Oh!” I exclaimed, “You’re still here.”

  He furrowed his brow. “Was I supposed to leave?”

  I shook my head and walked over to my dresser. Since he had already seen me naked, I dropped all pretenses by just dropping the towel at my feet while I looked for a fresh pair of underwear. My back burned with his eyes on me, but I didn’t give him the satisfaction of letting him know I knew what he was doing. I changed quickly, throwing on a tank top and shorts to sleep in. I wrung out my hair in the tow
el before depositing both towels into the hamper I had tucked away in my closet. I took my brush from off of my dresser and fought with the tangles in my hair.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

  “Nothing important,” I answered honestly.

  I still hadn’t turned around to look at him while I smoothed out my straight hair with my hairbrush. I wasn’t sure if I could look at him right now and not think about how much he had pleased me earlier. I don’t know why I felt so guilty and shameful right now, sex wasn’t anything to be ashamed of!

  “You okay?” he asked with a hint of concern.

  I slid my gaze over to him and my mouth watered at the sight of him. I knew he was a big guy, but looking at him leaning up on his elbow on my bed looking so sexy made me want to shed my clothes again. Geez, libido, where did you come from?

  “I’m fine,” I told him, but my mouth was a thin line.

  “Okay, but that’s the face you make when you don’t want to talk about something.”

  I brushed out the rest of my hair, but was too tired to blow-dry it. Towel-drying it was all I had the patience for tonight. Luckily for me, I was one of those people with poker-straight hair so I could just brush it out in the morning and it would be fine. I was avoiding having this conversation with him, because he was right. It was the face I made when I didn’t want to talk about something. It was really hard to lie to your best friend.

  “C’mere,” he beckoned from my bed and like I was hypnotized, I went to him.

  I slid into bed beside him and he put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to him. It had been so long since a man had made me feel safe. So long since I had a man in my bed. Noah made me feel safe, and made me feel good, like really good. This was all really weird. I figured this was just a physical thing for him, and eventually things between us would just go back to normal. Or maybe we would just continue to sleep with each other and not catch feelings?

  HA

  HA

  HA

  Very funny, Dinah.

  He smiled down at me and kissed the top of my head. “Just for the record, I didn’t come over here for sex. Honestly, I didn’t know that was on the table.”

  I smiled at him. “I didn’t see you complaining.”

  He gave me a wicked grin. “No, definitely not complaining.”

  “It doesn’t have to be weird between us,” I told him. It really did not, because I totally wanted to do it again, but I wasn’t sure if he felt that way.

  My phone buzzed on my nightstand, preventing him from saying what he wanted to say next. I looked at it and laughed at a text from TJ.

  TJ: Did you get it in??

  TJ: Tell me! Kens won’t say anything.

  TJ: TELLLLL MEEEEE!!

  ME: None of your damn business.

  ME:...yes

  TJ: GET IT GIRL.

  ME: I hate you so much.

  I laughed and put my phone down. Noah had an unsure look on his face. “Is that TJ?” he asked.

  “Oh, was I not supposed to tell him?”

  Noah laughed. “He would have found out anyway, he’s a nosy little fucker.”

  I collapsed into laughter. “That’s true.”

  Noah was biting his lip nervously now and pushing his hair behind his ear. I wondered if he knew that he did that when he was nervous. “Look, I have to tell you something.”

  “What’s up?”

  He sighed. “Speaking of TJ being nosy, I had to tell him about what happened to you, about the miscarriage. I’m sorry. I never wanted to tell your secrets.”

  “Oh.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  I reached my hand out to take his. “Noah, honey, it’s okay. TJ’s a bit of a goof, but I know he won’t say anything about that. I actually called Coach LaVoie to tell him what happened so I assumed the team already knew.”

  He was shaking his head. “Yeah, I didn’t know you did that. He told Girard, who mentioned something to me about it. But it was more supportive you know?”

  I looked up at him in question. “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, him and Brianna went through it too.”

  “Oh, yeah she told me that, but thank you for telling me.”

  He still looked nervous. “Are you mad?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “Nah. So change of subject — I’m a bit worried about your head, you took some bad hits lately.”

  He shrugged me off. “I’m fine.”

  “Noah, I just worry! I’m a fan of this team, I lived through LaVoie’s playing days here. His concussions were dangerous.”

  He smiled down at me and bopped my nose. “You’re so cute when you worry. I’m fine, the league’s always doing concussion protocol.”

  I knew that, but this sport I loved and the sport this man played could still be dangerous. CTE was a real problem, and at least the NHL wasn’t straight up denying it, but they needed to figure out a solution. I wasn’t sure if “I” was the person to do that, but I did worry about Noah. I worried every time he took a bad hit on the ice, and every time he wouldn’t tell me just what kind of “upper body injury” he had.

  I settled back onto his chest feeling the rise and fall of it with every breath he took.

  “So, weird question, did I do all right in there?” he asked.

  I looked up at him and saw that he was biting his lip nervously. God, what did he have to be nervous about? Also, did he know how hot he looked when he did that? “Why are you asking again? I didn’t know that you were so self-conscious about that.”

  He shifted around like he was uncomfortable asking the question. “I mean, when I—”

  “You mean when you went down on me?”

  He nodded his head. “Um...yeah.”

  I laughed into his chest. “Was I not vocal enough? I thought you got that I was enjoying it from all the moaning. I’m usually not responsive if it’s not good, but when it’s good bad things come out of my mouth.”

  He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I’ve had girls say I wasn’t good at it.”

  I gave him a wicked grin. “But I mean if you think you need the practice...”

  He shoved my shoulder lightly. “Yeah, yeah, I get it.”

  I exploded with laughter. “It’s cute when you’re so unsure of yourself.”

  He glared at me, and I just laughed again. He lifted my head up to him to kiss him again. When he pulled away, his thumb rubbed over my bottom lip. “You’ve got a dirty mouth.”

  “You loved it, shut up.”

  He smiled. “Not going to deny that one. I don’t think I’ve ever been with a woman who told me exactly what they wanted. I always thought women were a mystery I had to solve, but maybe I just wasn’t listening?”

  I shrugged. “I’ve learned to not play games and to just ask what I want.”

  “God, that’s so sexy,” I heard him mutter under his breath and I was pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to hear that.

  I pulled away from him and laid on my back. He slunk down onto his side beside me and slung his arm around my waist. I shifted my position in the bed so I could be the little spoon and he breathed into my neck, his breath tickling me.

  “Do you want me to go?” he asked.

  My arm rested against his and my fingers brushed lightly across his skin. “No, you can stay. Cuddling is nice.”

  He kissed my neck lightly. “Fuck yeah, it is!”

  I SLEPT SO WELL THE night before that I slept through all three of my alarms and was late for work. I must have looked flustered as I dropped my purse onto my desk. Across from me, my coworker Matt was giving me a curious glance. I logged onto to my computer and started checking my emails. This job was necessary, and I was pretty good at it, but it was absolutely soul-sucking. All I wanted to do was write books, but I was stuck in a stable job because I’d only sold one book so far and it wasn’t exactly paying the bills.

  Matt threw a pen at me. “Oy!”

  I dodged it. “Wh
at?” I snapped in annoyance.

  He smirked. “You look like you’re in a cloud.” He mimed smoking a blunt. “And you’re late, you’re never late for work.”

  I shook my head. “Sorry, late night.”

  “You see yet?”

  “See what?”

  “The client’s going to sign the contract, thanks to you.”

  I dropped my head on my desk. “Can you please take over that account? That guy skeeves me out.”

  Matt laughed. “I don’t want it either, it’s yours.”

  He cocked his head at me from across the open space of our workspace. The whole open concept design of the modern agency was for the birds. I kind of hated it, especially since it meant everyone could see the annoyed faces I made when I was on a call with an annoying client. I wasn’t exactly good at being subtle. Matt was staring at my neck so hard, that I brought a hand up to it.

  “What’s on your neck?” he asked, but he was wearing a sly grin.

  “What?”

  I used the black screen on my phone as a mirror. That’s when I saw the red mark on the side of my neck and it was pretty clear what it was and what I had been up to last night. Dammit, I would never hear the end of it from Matt. I also wondered if Matt would be the type of person to feel protective of Jason. Matt and Jason had been best friends and Matt was the reason that I had gotten this job.

  My coworker was smirking at me now. “Oh shit, did you get laid last night?” he asked.

  “Um...”

  His brow furrowed. “You didn’t sleep with the client, right?”

  “Ew! No!”

  “Good, good. I mean, I didn’t think so, I just didn’t know you were seeing anyone. Since Jason you’ve gone on what one date?”

  I nodded. “It was kind of not planned.”

  “Okay, explain!”

  I shook my head, but I couldn’t keep the smile from my face.

  “You look like the cat who ate the canary!”

  “It’s none of your business!” I insisted and knew I was starting to get all flustered. My face was probably beet red right now. Pale girl problems!