Accidentally in Love Read online

  I sighed. “No.”

  “Avs, what’s wrong?”

  “It’s… can you just come over?”

  “Okay…” He sounded unsure, but I couldn’t tell him I was pregnant with his baby over the phone. “Are you gonna explain why you’ve been avoiding me?”

  I cringed. I hoped he hadn’t noticed. Nolan wasn’t a clingy guy, but I guess it was obvious when I’d been leaving his texts unanswered and avoiding the brewery at all costs.

  “Yes, but I can’t do it over the phone.”

  “Okay. I’ll be over in a bit,” he said in a whisper and then hung up.

  I laid back on my bed and tried to think about the best way to tell him. How was I supposed to tell a man who never wanted to be tied down that I was about to complicate his life? That we would be inexplicably connected for the rest of our lives?

  I jolted at a loud knock on my door. I hadn’t realized how long I had been lying in my bed trying to figure out my next move. The brewery was a short walk to my apartment, so it didn’t take Nolan that long to get here.

  I got out of bed and walked down the steps to my front door. When I opened the door to find Nolan furrowing his brow in concern, I burst into tears.

  He wrapped his arms around me and held me to his big, burly chest. “Hey, hey, what’s going on?”

  I felt the tears falling down my face again, and I tried to shake them away. Okay, this might be pregnancy hormones. I had never been this weepy before.

  “You’re gonna hate me,” I cried and clung to his flannel jacket.

  He tipped my chin up to look at him. “Let’s go inside so you can tell me what’s wrong.”

  I wiped my tears away but felt queasy. I wasn’t sure if that was the pregnancy or my nerves. Maybe a little of both.

  I pulled away from Nolan and walked back up the stairs. His loud footsteps followed behind me. I walked into my bedroom at the back of the apartment and sat on my bed in defeat. Nolan toed off his shoes and sat on the bed next to me.

  “Tell me,” he urged.

  “I’m pregnant,” I sobbed.

  He was silent beside me, but he didn’t storm out or call me a liar, so that had to be a good sign. I couldn’t look at him, though. I couldn’t bear to see the look of disappointment on his face.

  “Are you sure?” he asked after what felt like a full minute passed.

  I nodded. “It’s why I’ve been avoiding you. I took three tests tonight.”

  “Oh. Oh, Avs.”

  My vision swam from the tears that I couldn’t stop coming. I looked over at him, and he didn’t look mad, but his brow was still furrowed.

  “You’re not mad?”

  He looked taken aback at my question. He cupped my face in his hands and wiped my tears away. “Avery, no. You should be mad at me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I forgot to wrap it up. I never do that because I know you’re not on the pill. It was so irresponsible. I wanted to talk to you about that, but you’ve been ignoring me.”

  “I was in denial. I couldn’t talk to or see you when I didn’t want to believe what was happening.”

  “What do you want to do?” he asked.

  “I want a baby. This wasn’t exactly how I planned on having one, but I’m thirty-five. This might be my last chance to become a mother. I’m having this baby.”

  He slid a hand between us and placed it on my stomach. “I want to be involved. We’re in this together.”

  “Really?”

  “Of course. I promise I’m here for you, okay? Both of you.”

  “Will you stay the night?” I asked. “I want to be held.”

  “Whatever you want.”

  I nodded but stood up and went into the bathroom. The pregnancy tests were still on the counter, so I tossed them in the trash. I splashed water on my face, but it was still splotchy and red from crying. Nolan reacted better than I thought he would. I thought he would never want to speak to me again. Gemma was right. He was a good man, and I wasn’t sure why I had been so worried.

  When I came back into my bedroom, Nolan had stripped down to his boxers and was lying in my bed. If I didn’t feel so sick, the sight of his deliciously thick body in my bed would have made me horny. Sex was the last thing on my mind, though. Sex was the reason we ended up in this situation. I didn’t want that tonight. I wanted Nolan to tell me everything was going to be okay, that we would be okay.

  I got into the bed beside him and laid down on my side. He held me tight, his hand firmly on my stomach like he was trying to protect both of us already.

  He kissed my temple. “Avery?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m not mad, okay? We’ll figure this out together.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, but I wasn’t sure I believed him.

  Chapter Four

  NOLAN

  I jolted awake at the sound of retching from the other room. I jumped up and ran into the bathroom to find Avery kneeling over the toilet.

  “Oh, Avs,” I sighed.

  I bent down and gathered up the ends of her hair so it was out of her face. I rubbed her back until she finished. She got to her feet with a groan and wiped her mouth.

  “Can I make you breakfast?” I offered.

  She peeled off her clothes and turned on the shower, not acknowledging my question. I tried not to stare at the generous curves of her body, but my dick thickened against my leg as if in spite.

  She fixed me with a glare and pointed at my crotch. “First, get that thing away from me. Second, I don’t think I can keep anything down.”

  “Toast? You gotta eat something.”

  She grimaced. “I feel like I’m gonna throw up again.”

  “Try, okay?”

  She nodded and stepped into the shower. My lizard brain definitely would have loved to be in there with her. Instead, I walked into the kitchen and started making her toast.

  It broke my heart last night when she asked if I was mad about the pregnancy. We had both been irresponsible that night. Of course, I wasn’t mad because it was both of our faults.

  Deep down, the prospect of being a father excited me. Part of the reason my marriage failed was that I wanted kids, and Kath didn’t. It took years to figure out we wanted different things. Avery and I might not have planned the baby, but we could have the family I always dreamed of together.

  The toaster dinged, and I took out the bread before spreading a little butter on each slice. I made coffee, even though I wasn’t sure if Avery could drink it. Could pregnant people drink coffee? I was looking it up on my phone when she came into the kitchen with a towel wrapped around her.

  “Oh, you made coffee, thanks,” she said and poured herself a cup.

  “Can you drink that?” I asked and raised an eyebrow.

  “One cup a day, and I’m going to need it if I have to deal with eleventh graders today.”

  I handed her the toast.

  She squeezed my bicep. “Thanks. Sorry, I’m moody this morning.”

  I placed a hand on her stomach. “Come on, Peanut, give your mama a break, huh?”

  Her eyes got all shiny. “You want to call the baby ‘Peanut’?”

  “Aw, Avs, don’t cry over that.”

  “I’m sorry,” she muttered and shoved the toast in her mouth. “It’s the hormones.”

  I rubbed her belly again. “We don’t know if it’s a boy or girl yet. I feel like ‘Peanut’ is good enough for now.”

  She pulled away and set her half-eaten toast down on the counter. She ran her hand through her hair and grimaced while she stared down at the piece of bread.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  She sighed. “Nothing, I just gotta get to work.”

  “Okay…”

  She stared at me expectantly.

  “Oh. You want me to leave?”

  “Yeah, sorry, I need to get ready for work.”

  I frowned and noticed she looked a little pale. Maybe the toast was a bad idea.

  “Are you okay?”

  She shook her head. “Can you please leave? I want to throw up again, and I don’t want you to see.”

  I reached out and brushed her hair behind her ear. “I don’t mind holding back your hair.”

  “Please, Nol?”

  “Let me help you.”

  She sighed. “Can you just go? We’ll talk about everything later.”

  I nodded, but I didn’t like that she was dismissing me. I wanted to be there for her. Even if that meant holding back her hair while she hurled. I didn’t mind the hard stuff, but she had to let me help.

  “Okay, call me later?” I asked, hopefully.

  She nodded, and I reluctantly walked out of her apartment.

  We still had a lot to talk about. Last night, she needed to be held and told everything was going to be okay. This morning, that wasn’t enough. I had to do right by her. I had to provide for her and the baby. I couldn’t do that if she was living in her tiny duplex apartment. I had to convince her to move in with me. Somehow. Her kicking me out so quickly this morning didn’t make it easy, though. Even if it was because she felt like she was going to throw up again. I would have held her hair and rubbed her back through that. I didn’t like that she was pushing me away.

  I walked down the street to my house on the other side of town, but I made a detour to my brother’s apartment first.

  Declan lived in an apartment above the tattoo shop. When our parents died, I inherited our childhood home. Dec moved out a couple of years ago because he wanted his own space. I think he just liked that it was literally two doors down from the brewery.

  Normally, I would have waited since we both worked late last night, but this was serious business, and I needed his advice. I keyed into the outer door and walked up the steps. I banged on the front door to his apartment and waited for him to answer.

  “What?” my brother snapped when he swung open the door wearing nothing but boxer briefs. He squinted at me, a sign I woke him up too early, and he hadn’t put his contacts in yet.

  “I need to talk to you,” I urged.

  “It couldn’t wait until later?” he growled.

  I shook my head.

  He must have seen the look of anguish across my face, because he let me in and led me over to his couch. “You need coffee?” he asked.

  “Please,” I said as I slumped onto the couch.

  He went into his bedroom and came back with more clothes on and his plastic-rimmed glasses shoved on his face. He sent me an annoyed look, but walked into his tiny kitchen and started making coffee.

  “What was so urgent you needed to pound on my door so early?” he asked from the kitchen.

  “Avery’s pregnant.”

  He rustled around in the kitchen and came back with two cups of steaming coffee. He raised an eyebrow at me and handed me a cup as he took a seat beside me.

  “What does that have to do with you?” he asked.

  I took a sip of coffee and then put the mug down on the coffee table. “Let me rephrase… Avery’s pregnant with my baby.”

  “Oh… oh fuck!” he exclaimed, and then he glared at me. “I knew there was something up with you two.”

  “I…”

  “You were so weird with her at the Arts Fest.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked and scowled.

  I wasn’t weird with her. What did he mean by that?

  He rolled his eyes. “Gem said you had been a grouch all morning, and as soon as Avs came over, your entire demeanor changed. Then we watched you feed her dumplings.”

  “She was being moody and not eating carbs like I knew she wanted to. That asshole she went out with said she needed to lose a few pounds. Fuck that guy.”

  “It was kind of intimate, man.”

  “Dec, it wasn’t a one-time thing.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me. “What?”

  “We’ve had a casual thing going.”

  “Seriously?”

  I nodded.

  Declan frowned at me. “How long, Nol?”

  “Two years,” I admitted and took another sip of coffee.

  Declan’s eyes widened. “Two years?”

  “Not consistently. We’d hook up occasionally.”

  My brother steepled his hands in front of his face. “Why was it casual?”

  I furrowed my brow. “What do you mean, why?”

  “Why have a secret casual thing?”

  “Because she deserves someone better. Someone who won’t fail her, like I failed Kath.”

  He scoffed. “You and Kath got married way too young. You wanted different things. That doesn’t mean you ‘failed’ Kath. And it doesn’t mean you need to close yourself off from love.”

  “I…”

  “You love Avery, don’t you?”

  I stared at him. Of course, I loved Avery. That was the problem. She didn’t love me back.

  He kicked me. “Tell the truth. Has there been anyone else since her?”

  I rubbed the back of my neck. I didn’t want to get into this with him. He didn’t need to know about my sex life or how Avery had been the only woman in my bed for the last two years. There had definitely been some offers, but I wasn’t interested. Not unless they were the petite, raven-haired school teacher.

  “Nolan!”

  “No. She’s been the only one,” I whispered.

  I never admitted that out loud before. Not even to myself.

  “It sounds like you’ve been dating without the title.”

  I shook my head. “No. She doesn’t want me that way. She only wants me for a good time.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  “She goes on all those dates.”

  “You don’t see how she looks at you with stars in her eyes, do you?”

  I shook my head at him. He was full of shit. She didn’t look at me that way. Whatever the fuck that meant, anyway.

  “What are you gonna do?” Declan asked and sipped on his coffee, waiting for my answer.

  I drank my coffee in thought.

  I wanted to support her and the baby. I wanted to give her what she had been searching for. I could do that if I asked her to marry me. That way, she didn’t have to raise the baby in her tiny apartment. We could be happy together as a family. She wanted a husband and family so badly, and I could give her everything she wanted. If she let me.

  I stroked my beard. “I’m gonna ask her to marry me.”

  Declan held up his hand. “Whoa, timeout. I think that’s rushing things. Just because you got her pregnant doesn’t mean you need to marry her.”

  He was wrong. The more I thought about it, the more I knew I had to marry her. It might just take some convincing.

  “It’s the right thing to do.”

  He pinned me with a glare. “Is it the right thing to do or what you want to do?”

  “I want to do it. I can make her happy.”

  He kicked my foot. “Dude, you need to tell her how you feel. Asking her to marry you because you don’t know how to express your feelings isn’t the way to go. She’ll think you’re just doing it for the baby. And you’re not, are you?”

  I shook my head. “No. Not just because of the baby. Because I love her, and I know I can give her the family she’s always wanted.”

  “Then you have to tell her that, asshole! You’re perfect for each other, but you have to actually use your words.”

  I put my coffee down on the table and let his words wash over me. I still had a lot of thinking to do about the whole situation. I could give Avery what she wanted, but the way she kicked me out today made it feel like she’d never want that from me. We could be happy together. I just had to figure out how to convince her of that.

  “I better go. I have some things to think through before going to the brewery,” I told my brother with an air of finality.

  “Nol…” Declan trailed off with a sigh. He took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

  “I’ll see you later,” I said and stood up.

  He didn’t argue or stop me from leaving. I walked out of his apartment and down the steps, walking the short block home in thought. I was still mulling it all over when I stepped into the house.

  I went into the office and pulled my mother’s ring from the safe. Instead of a diamond, the center stone was an emerald with two tiny diamonds on each side. I hadn’t given it to Kath when I proposed because she liked flashy things. Mom’s ring hadn’t been meant for Kath, but maybe it could be for Avery. At forty, this might be my last chance to find someone to share my life with. My last chance to become a father and have a family.

  I sighed and put the ring back in the safe. If I was going to support my baby mama, I needed to make sure the brewery was producing the best beer we could. I owed that much to Avery and the baby.

  Chapter Five

  AVERY

  “How are you feeling?” my doctor asked as she looked up from my chart.

  “Exhausted.”

  “That’s normal. Morning sickness?”

  I nodded. “Yes. Will it ever stop?”

  The Asian woman laughed. “I don’t want to lie to you and say yes, but some women have it the whole time.”

  I groaned. “You said I was at high risk. Should I be concerned?”

  She looked at my chart. “Because of your age, you’re technically referred to as having a geriatric pregnancy.”

  I made a face at that phrase.

  She laughed. “It’s just a medical term. You’re healthy, and everything looks good so far. Is the father involved?”

  I nodded.

  “How’s he feeling?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. He wants to support me, to provide for the baby. We’re not exactly together.”

  “Ah.”

  I shrugged again.

  “Complicated relationship aside, you’re relatively healthy, so I think you’ll be fine. Do you have questions for me?”

  I stared at her, bewildered. I had a lot of questions, but I didn’t know which one to ask first. This was my first pregnancy. I never even had a pregnancy scare before. I wasn’t sure what to ask.

  “Is sex on the table?” I blurted out. A crimson blush crept up my neck. I didn’t know why that was the first question I asked.